Mark Twain's Brand
Virginia City, Nevada
Subject: Fear of flying?
Fear of flying ?
This should reassure you.
Qantas pilot squawks and replies:
Here are some actual maintenance complaints generally known as squawks or problems submitted recently by Qantas pilots to maintenance engineers. After attending to the squawks prior to the aircraft's next flight, the maintenance crews are required to log the details of action taken as a solution to the pilot's squawks.
Key to following:
(P) is the problem logged by the pilot
(S) marks the solution and action taken by maintenance engineers.
(P) Something loose in cockpit
(S) Something tightened in cockpit
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level
(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on backorder
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground
(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for!!
(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search
(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!!
(P) Target Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal--#1, #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage
This "humorous" commentary was emailed to us by Erik Moldrup, Senior Lecturer, Aalborg, Denmark. Thank you, He provided us with the credit line seen at top of article.
|News || Guest Writers || Mark Twain || Dan DeQuille || Humor || Travel|
A NATIONAL HISTORIC TREASURE
Publishing Since 1858
© 1999 All Rights Reserved