Mark Twain's Brand of Humor

Virginia City, Nevada

Windows 2000 Error Messages

The following are just some of the new error messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:

1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
3. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
5. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
6. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
7. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
8. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
9. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
10. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted.

Speech Recognition Software

At a recent PC User's Group meeting, a company was demon- strating its latest speech recognition software.  A rep from the company was just about to start the demo and he asked everyone in the room to please quite down.  The rep "shelled" out to a DOS prompt to demonstrate how well the software would work in all applications.

All eyes were turned towards the huge monitors showing the infamous C:> that was on the computer.

Just then, someone in the back of the room yelled, "FORMAT C: RETURN"

And, some fool chimed right in: "YES. RETURN"

Unfortunately the software worked just fine.

Professor Erik Moldrup, Senior Lecturer, Aalborg, Denmark, sent us the above email which was forwarded to him. He wrote his comment regarding the above situation: "seems to me that man's inventiveness has come full circle." Another "humorous" commentary on the "harmonization" of language in Europe was also sent by Professor Moldrup.

ESTROGEN FOUND IN BEER

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer each and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively, without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, couldn't think, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

Forty Years Later

A couple have been married forty years and are revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon.  As they are driving through the secluded countryside, they pass a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.

The woman says, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here forty years ago!"

The guy stops the car.  His wife backs against the fence, and he immediately jumps her like a bass on a junebug.  They make love like never before.

Back in the car, the guys says, "Darling, you sure never moved like that forty years ago -- or any time since that I can remember."

The woman says, "Forty years ago that damn fence wasn't electrified!"

With the exception of the ones that have another person credited, these jokes were sent us as email, credited to a web site that has daily jokes. If you want to claim credit, please send us an email.

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